MELBOURNE & IT'S ALL OVER.

As predicted, England wrapped up another big win against the hapless Aussies, although there were, perhaps, a few more runs scored than might have been expected.

Andrew Strauss, the captain of England, now joins a select group of such men who have been triumphant in series at home and abroad against 'the old enemy' and there will be much rejoicing in the camp tonight.

But beware. In order to cement their victory, England must avoid losing, and that means they must win, at Sydney. That this is well within their powers is clear, but they must avoid complacency against a wounded

adversary made more desperate by their current humiliation.

WHINGEING SCOT.

I see that Alex Ferguson is off again, whingeing about the referee in last night's game against Birmingham. The fact is, he may well be right, it certainly looked to me, on the TV highlights, that there was an element of handball involved in Birmingham's equaliser, but does Sir Alex not realise that this is all part of 'the beautiful game' ?

Of course he does and I've yet to hear him say a word when his own players are guilty of similar acts. Football is now a high-pressured game in which cheating is the norm and winning is all; criticising referees is simply part of the background pressure that men like Ferguson try to apply in the hope that they'll get more favourable treatment than their opponents.

I have news for you, Sir Alex; the more you whinge, the less sympathy you'll receive. Have you never heard of the "boy who cried 'Wolf !'" ?

MELBOURNE DAY 3

England's tail wagged pretty pathetically but it didn't really matter. The Australian top order, except for Shane Watson, failed again and the end will probably come well before lunch tomorrow.

What will the Aussie selectors do next ? Ricky Ponting's career must be over and, if he has any sense, he'll resign before he's sacked. Who will take his place is anyone's guess as the main contender, Michael Clarke, is probably for the 'chop' as well. The Australians haven't been in this much disarray for decades.

MELBOURNE DAY 2

The bandwagon rolls on and England, with their South African born batsmen to the fore, are slowly grinding Australia into the dust.

Yet again, the Australian bowlers had a pretty poor day and it can now only be a matter of time before England secure the Ashes. Ricky Ponting, the Australian captain, lost his temper and 40% of his match fee, which surely shows the pressure on him and his team.

Barring a miraculous turn-a-round, England will be breaking out the 'Champers' sometime on Wednesday. 

MELBOURNE MELTDOWN !

Just a week after trouncing England at Perth, the Australians have returned to form. Total meltdown by their batsmen followed by total lack of success from their bowlers.

Not being prepared to pay the silly money 'SKY' demands for watching its sports channels, I haven't seen the events of today in all their glory but it seems from the reports that the Aussie batsmen were pretty dire; that 6 of them were caught at the wicket certainly suggests some 'fencing outside the off-stump' though maybe some better England bowling also played its part. Regardless, 98 is hardly a total that Australians will have enjoyed seeing and Ricky Ponting's reign as captain must now be at an end, after yet another failure.

That England's openers were able to put on 157 without being parted indicates lack of penetration from the Australian bowlers and a lack of any real venom in the pitch. For England to do anything other than win from this point is well nigh impossible - sometime early on day 4 the Ashes should be safe. 

SPORTS' PERSONALITY - THE END

How does Katherine Jenkins figure in this ? She might be a good singer, but her presence has little to do with sport. Additionally, her voice is destroyed by the microphone amplification that makes it extremely hard to understand what she is singing. Regardless, she is superfluous.

The final result is simply nonsensical. I don't dispute that McCoy has been a very successful jockey for many years, but what did he do in 2010 to justify being THE 'Sports Personality' of the year ? The same has to be said of Phil Taylor, the runner-up, although whether or not darts is even a sport could also be a question.

Jessica Ennis should feel cheated, but then, after last year's ridiculous result (won by Ryan Giggs) I suppose we should expect such things. In my book, Jess is still the best we have, by far, and the one who will still be doing us proud in 2012 on a stage that is far superior to those on which McCoy and Taylor ever compete.

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT ?

Lifetime Achievement award to D Beckham ?

Let's be clear. This man kicks a ball around, essentially, he plays a child's game, tolerably well. He is not the greatest player in the world and never has been; he is not even good enough to have been included in the best 22 picked by a selection of world class coaches quite recently.

Beckham has played as a member of a team and been rewarded with stupid amounts of money. As captain, meaningless though the term is in modern football, of his national team, he has gained a following and esteem that is simply not justified by his actual performances.

His speech at the awards' ceremony, touching and sincere as it no doubt was, was also a little stomach churning. What price him turning up as a political representative of some sort, sometime soon ?

Lifetime Achievement ? Shouldn't we wait until he's had a life ?

SPORTS' PERSONALITY ? REALLY ?

Watching the opening of the BBC's annual extravaganza, one is forced to the conclusion that the last year has been a particularly poor one for British sport. Perhaps that is why the staging is so ridiculously flamboyant, to try to direct our attention away from the paucity of talent on display.

The Helen Rollason award to Sir Frank Williams was well deserved and an appropriate tribute to a man of enormous courage and determination.

But who are the 10 nominees for 'Sports Personality of the Year' ? Outside of their own sports, which of them has ever been heard of and which of them has done anything deserving of the award within the last year ?

Tom Daley, a diver whose 'sport' relies on the subjective opinions of a panel of judges; Amy Williams who does something silly on a sledge; Phil Taylor and Tony McCoy who have been incredibly consistent over a period of years but have done nothing extraordinary in the last year; Mark Cavendish, who won some stages in the Tour de France, admittedly something unusual for an Englishman, but hardly world shattering; Lee Westwood, who at least became Golf's no. 1, but only in the absence of Tiger Woods, and still without winning a major trophy; Graeme McDowell, who is a good golfer and won a major tournament, but is he really a contender here ?; Graeme Swann who really isn't fit to lick the boots of his great predecessors in the role of England's 'spin king' ; has anyone actually heard of David Haye, apparently a boxer, but at a time when boxing has died as a really competitive sport ?;

And finally, the only truly world class athlete amongst them, Jessica Ennis. Tiny but extraordinarily talented; a woman who jumps further above her own head than almost anyone else, ever, and also runs, and throws so well as to be the greatest all-round female athlete in the world. Can anyone else, possibly, be considered as the winner ?

ALL TO PLAY FOR NOW.

So, after all the early promise of day 1, it's ended in pathetic surrender, and within an hour, on day 4. There can be no doubt that Australia deserved their crushing victory, but how did a team that looked so defeated after Adelaide manufacture such a change in fortunes ?

At Brisbane, England had their backs to the wall after the first innings and responded with an astonishing 517-1 in their second knock. They followed this up with 620-5 at Adelaide, and the Australian bowlers were utterly impotent, their fielders away with the fairies. England's bowling and fielding kept the Australian batsmen under lock and key and the Ashes seemed secure.

What happened ? England's bowlers knocked over the Aussie top order in no time, and then struggled to finish the job. Australia made a passable, though by no means good, score on a bouncey pitch. England's response started well, 78 for the first wicket and all set well; the radio commentators seemed to think a score of 350 to 400 was probably 'par' for the wicket and only Geoffrey Boycott had voiced any words of warning. After this, the game belonged entirely to Australia. England lost all 20 wickets for the addition of a mere 232 runs while Australia were able to add a further 309 to their total. Defeat for England by a massive 267 runs.

Australia's batsmen were no better than in the first 2 matches, with only Hussey, Watson, Haddin and Johnson achieving decent scores. Their bowlers, however, exploited the pitch superbly and showed up the technical deficiencies of England's less than brilliant batsmen. England's bowlers toiled, giving away far too many easy runs through inconsistent delivery, and failing to penetrate the Australian batsmens' defences often enough.

Both sides have good players but neither is a great side. England's batsmen perform well on benign pitches but are unable to cope with anything out of the ordinanry; the anodyne pitches of most modern day cricket are their meat and drink, while a wicket with character defeats them. Conversely, their bowlers are so used to benign wickets that they are unable to exploit those with more pace or bounce. The Australians, on the other hand, generally have better technique and adapt more readily to differing conditions. England's batsmen chase the fast, wide delivery slavishly and their bowlers try to trap the opposition in the same way; both approaches are doomed to failure, as we have soon in the match just ended.

Roll on Melbourne. England may make minor changes, but the team will be, essentially, the same, as will be the Australians'. The pitch will be different and probably more to England's liking, but the Aussies now have their tails up. It's likely to be a close match, decided by one or two key moments - let's hope those moments go in England's favour.

NEVER COUNT YOUR CHICKENS .... !

Well, well. After England appeared to have very much the upper hand yesterday, today the Aussies came roaring back, with Mitchell Johnson bringing gloom to the visitors' dressing room.

England's batsmen failed to take advantage of the goodish work of their bowlers, and the Australian bowlers exploited the pitch to such effect that the home team are now firm favourites to win the match and square the series. What a strange contest this is turning out to be !

ASHES OF A GREAT SIDE ?

So a good start for England in the 3rd Test in Australia. It begins to look as though the home side is in disarray and needs a whole new approach. Captain Ponting has failed again and his job, and even his place in the team, must now be at risk.

If England fully exploit their first day advantage and bat well into day 3, Australia will be demoralized and broken, and defeat will beckon. The Ashes will remain with England, while the Australian selectors will have to come to terms with the fact that they will have to start building a new team.

Alternatively, England may collapse tomorrow morning and Australia may go on to win the game, opening up every other possibility. Are Australia really as poor as they've seemed so far ? Are England really as good as the reports suggest ?

Ifs and buts :-)

SNOOKER IS THE GREATEST

Many years ago, I used to watch 'Pot Black' on television and followed on by becoming quite addicted to the game in the early 1980s. Ted Lowes' immortal "for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green" is one of the most memorable quotes in sporting history which is a testament to the game's popularity.

I tried to play the game myself but simply couldn't see the angles well enough - on odd occasions, I'd play shots that anyone would have been proud of but I never could play with any consistency. What ultimately depresses me and, at the same time exhilarates me, is the utter genius that is displayed by our top snooker players.

This is not a game in which small errors can be forgotten, in fact, every tiniest error may well be punished unmercifully. Players that I have seen, from the days of Ray Reardon and John Spencer, through Alex Higgins, Steve Davis and Steven Hendry to today's greats of Ronnie O'Sullivan and John Higgins, have demonstrated extraordinary skill and nerve in the most tense situations.

Tonights almost unbelievable match between John Higgins and Mark Williams has shown all of the greatest elements of a great game. The skill, tension and drama was more than is ever seen in most sports; the competitors are there on their own with no one else to help them. The grit and determination of John Higgins was astonishing; the way in which Mark Williams could still raise a joke and a smile after losing a 9-5 winning lead was a demonstration of true sportmanship.

What a great sport and what a great match.

GET RID OF THE MUSIC

A few years ago, boxers and snooker players entered their respective arenas to be announced by the referee. Now, they enter to a cacophony and have to be announced in ludicrously grandiose terms, with nicknames and whatever. Cricket, rugby and football have been subjected to similar exaggeration.

Why ?

What supporters want is to see their 'heroes' performing; the extraneous music and over-emphasised announcements are a pain. Worse still, they are an actual 'turn-off' to any serious fans. Get rid of all of it.

BEWARE AUSSIE PANIC

So our Ashes rivals have gone into panic mode and chosen to make wholesale changes for the 3rd Test. This would usually be a good sign as the Australians don't normally go in for this type of action, but we must beware. It wouldn't be the first time that a previously unknown bowler has been introduced and proved a winner, and we all know that Australians are a tough old bunch. The newcomers to the team will have a lot to gain by performing well and, honestly, the team can't play as poorly as in the last Test.

England is on top but don't let's write off the Aussies just yet.

WORLD CUP JOY

WHOOPEE !

Despite the combined efforts of 'Call me Dave', 'King to be' Wills, and the sainted Becks, we failed to win the right to stage the Football World Cup in 2018. Not only did we fail to win, we actually came last in the voting.

Dave says this was a 'desperate' disappointment. To him, perhaps, but not to me. Why on earth would we have wanted to stage this event, backed as it is by the utterly corrupt FIFA ? The obsequious crawling by our senior representatives has done nothing to enhance their reputations, either.

Our press, as usual, over-egged the pudding and raised expectations. Now, they bleat and whine, and express their outrage at what was, obviously, an unfair process. What a laugh, and what a relief that we'll be spared any chance of having this event for at least another 16 years.

ASHES TO ASHES

It occurs to me to wonder at the really astonishing happenings in the first Ashes test match. After day 1, England were in trouble; by halfway through day 2, they were getting back on level terms, but by the end of day 3, they were in the proverbial sticky-stuff.

What then happened looks almost impossible. 517-1 is a scoreline seen very rarely and for it to have been achieved on a pitch that had seen only 2 truly decent scores in the the first 3 days of the match makes it all the more remarkable.

Does this game give any pointers for the rest of the series ? Probably not, but it will certainly go down in the annals of Ashes history as one of the strangest matches played between the 2 old enemies.

DENIS LAW HAS IT RIGHT !

It's apparently been reported that the truly great former footballer, Denis Law, has said that his holidays for 2018 have been booked and he is not interested in whether England get the World Cup. If this is true, he has my vote.

The effort that is now expended on trying to win host status for sporting contests has become farcical. Prime Ministers, Princes, and celebrities of all sorts appear to spend ridiculous amounts of time on such ventures. The grotesque nonsense and publicity that has surrounded the current World Cup bid says it all and the money that's been wasted is criminal.

FIFA has been, and apparently remains, an organisation riddled with corruption, and yet senior figures offer it their support while crawling on bended knee in an attempt to gain favour. The likes of Prince William and David Cameron simply demean themselves by being part of the charade, which they are for blatantly political reasons.

We neither want nor need the World Cup in England; global media will ensure that wherever it is held, anyone who wants to watch will be able to. Actually having the event here will mean that thousands of maniacal football fans will skip work and pay money they can't afford to watch teams they've never heard of. The only winners will be the officials of FIFA and other footballing organisations, politicians and assorted dignitaries and 'celebrities' who will all find themselves granted special status, free tickets and so on. The rest of us will, at best, find the television devoted to 24 hour football chat.

I remember 1966 and I watched many of the games that year, on television. I was 13 years old; now I have grown up and come to realise that football is simply a kids game. It is not something to 'die in a ditch' over. Why anyone wants to watch weeks of men kicking lumps out of each other, spitting and snarling at referees and generally behaving disgustingly is beyond me.

Denis, I'm with you. Where have you booked your 2018 holiday ? I may well be there too.